Transcript:TWO Steves!... and a confusing chaotic forcefield
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It was added on [[{{#explode:2 December 2022| |0}} {{#explode:2 December 2022| |1}}]] [[{{#explode:2 December 2022| |2}}]].
Hello everyone! Can you believe it’s been an entire year since I first picked up my Postbag again? How time flies. To celebrate, I’ve made loads of extra deliveries this month – and it looks like we’ve got plenty of letters back!
To The Great Olm
My kin and I have delved into your chambers many a time, and have challenged you to battle many a time as well. Because we always meet in this manner, I do apologise, but I have not had an opportunity to speak to you. I wish to know, Great One, how you feel about our challenging you to fierce combat? Are we unwelcome invaders disturbing your rest? Do you consider us invited champions you enjoy sparring with? If we are unwelcome, my apologies: I mean no true, grave harm to you; I am driven to search for scrolls and gear of great import within the depths of your chambers.
O' Great One, I beseech thee with just one more query. When us combatants are not present, what activity do you busy yourself with? I do hope we are not rudely interrupting you when we arrive.
I bid thee well,
TungstenGyroGreetings, TungstenGyro.
Yes… I know you. You and your band of miscreants, who so insistently disturb my rest! Of course you’re not welcome. I thought I made that clear! How would you feel if every time you left your comfortable cave system an armed gang of strangers came and beat you up?
Scrolls? Gear? Pah! That’s no excuse. The last humanoid I spoke to also wanted something of great value, but you know what? He at least presented a worthy challenge. And he left plenty of other treasures for me to replenish my hoard. What do you leave me? A pile of empty vials!
Thankfully, as you’ve observed, I do have other things to occupy my time. My creators left many interesting things in these caverns of mine… and when I’m not watching over my splendid collection of artefacts, I do enjoy a good manicure. If I see you in my cave again, however, I will be painting my claws with your blood!
Yours,
The Great Olm
To the dwarves of Ice Mountain
Greetings, my friends! How's work been? I'm sure you're quite busy manning (dwarving?) the mines and creating such monumental feats of engineering as the famous Multicannon.
I'm writing to you with a slight concern that's peppered my mind for the past number of years: that, for some reason, any time I attempt to light a fire in this rather massive region (taken from the wiki), I'm being told "The dwarves won't be happy if you light a fire here."
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Now, I find this particularly bizarre, as this enormous stretch of land is generally unoccupied. And given how adventurers have been lighting fires everywhere for decades with relatively minimal damage, I couldn't think of a good reason why you might prohibit this use of fire.
I would greatly appreciate if you would enlighten me on the situation!
Sincerely yours, ScreteMongeHello, er, ScreteMonge!
The others are indeed very busy er, ‘dwarving’ about… lots of things to get on with in the mines. I’d love to tell you all about it but I’m not really a member of the guild… and I seem to have forgotten what exactly they’re working on at the moment… Oh well…
What were you asking…? Oh yes. The prohibition on lighting fires. I was just reading about that the other day in one of our books on dwarven-human relations. I’ll go fetch it now.
Oh dear… I seem to have misplaced it. I think I remember the gist of it though… it was something to do with the God Wars, I think. When the dwarves helped Saradomin… was it Saradomin? I think it was Saradomin… In any case, we were given provision over some of the land nearby. The boundaries seem to have changed over the years… but I imagine we stopped humans lighting fires there for their own safety! Large-scale, er, Mining operations like the one at the guild create all sorts of… volatile gases… and the like. I think. So, one probably wouldn’t want to go lighting fires all over the place.
But you’re right… I’ve heard of adventurers lighting fires in all sorts of places, and never heard of any damage. I tell you what, I’ll raise this with Nulodian right away… if I remember…
Rolad
To Cam the Camel
Dear Hime_MiMi,
Cam’s a very common name for us camels. You’ll have to narrow it down!
I did come across a well-laden camel on one of my journeys through the desert who might meet the description, though. She was carrying piles and piles of books, all about banking! She was saying something about portals and the Devourer, but I’ll be honest – most of it went over my head.
Maybe now you can ask her about dung, for once.
Goodbye,
Cam the (regular) Camel
To Lanthus
As an experiment, I recently entered each portal within the Castle Wars lobby while wearing an item from an opposing God. To my surprise, Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak not only spoke to me directly to show their disdain for my actions, but also used magic to transform me into the likes of a bunny, an imp, and a sheep. This seems to be a far more direct interaction between the gods and us humans than is normally possible. Especially for Guthix, who should be sleeping right now according to legend. Does the Castle Wars area somehow have a special connection with the gods that is not possible elsewhere in Gielinor?
Sheepishly, WorldstreamGood day, Worldstream!
Hah! I see you’ve thoroughly ignored my warnings about angering the gods. Not to worry, you’re far from the first adventurer to try sneaking onto the enemy team. In the old days you could get in real trouble for that sort of thing. Luckily for you, the gods have mellowed out since then. How did you find life as a sheep? Remember that next time you’re tempted to poke one with a cattleprod!
You’re right, though. I can’t explain it myself, but the gods do seem more powerful here. I’ve communed with them myself a number of times, and they’ve even clarified the rules, on occasion.
I think it must have something to do with the number of people honouring them on the field of combat. We’re wearing their tokens, re-enacting their battles… perhaps our actions here imbue them with some sort of power?
Just in case, you’d better double-check whose symbol you’re wearing next time.
All the best,
Lanthus
To the Keldagrim Stonemason
Why are you the only proper stonemason in all of Gielinor? Your monopoly on Gold Leaf and Magic Stones would surely draw some competition!
Kind regards, SweaterlyHello Sweaterly!
There’s a simple answer to that – skill, and opportunity! I’m known throughout Gielinor for selling only the highest-quality building materials, so why would anyone shop anywhere else? Plus, I can sell limestone much cheaper than other merchants, seeing as I just mine it straight out of the wall.
As for where I get the Magic Stones… that’s a trade secret!
Come visit again soon!
To Thurgo
I wonder if you'll indulge me over a mug of ale and a freshly baked redberry pie for a moment.
As you are a smith of impeccable craftsmanship (or craftsdwarfship), your skills with the hammer are second-to-none. However, I have heard a tale across the sea of another dwarf of legendary prowess, who goes by the name of Dinh.
I wonder, have you heard of this smith before? He had supposedly created a great door to seal a terrible winter beast, and smithed a nigh-impenetrable bulwark. Someone of his abilities lead me to believe he may also have been an Imcando Dwarf, but I shouldn't speculate.
I wonder if you've read anything about him before during your own studies as a young smith? I'm curious to know more about him, and if he may have been an inspiration to you. If not Dinh, then who?
Warm Wishes,
CupcakeKirin.Hello CupcakeKirin!
Thank you for sending the redberry pie, although it did get a bit squashed in Postie Pete’s satchel.
Dinh, you say? That name does ring a bell… I think I’ve heard tell of him, in my youth. If it’s who I’m thinking of, he was born in Lovakengj – but they say they were Imcando themselves, before they travelled west. So who knows? He might have been Imcando, too. But listen, I’m not sure he’s the hero you’re thinking he was. We Imcando are talented, but this Dinh… he had something else going on. Something I think you’d rather not mess about with.
That’s all I’ll say on the matter. I know what you’re like...
Thanks again for the pie,
Thurgo
To the Helpful Spirit
Why are you so helpful? Is it because you were helpful in your previous life and wanted to continue in the afterlife? Or were you evil in your previous life and you have to be helpful now in order to make amends? Regardless, thanks for the supplies!
Sincerely,
Zanthy
Dear Zanthy1,
Oh, it’s really nothing at all! It’s not as though I can do much else to help out, these days… although I do wish I could have done more when I was alive.
I suppose the scholars would say that there are two types of evil people in this world. Those who dishonour and disobey the gods, and those that allow it to happen… alas, in life, I’m afraid I may have been one of the latter.
I was a scholar, in Menaphos. I had at my disposal all the texts and ancient spells that would have helped me spot the Devourer in our midst, but when the time came, I fell into her thrall like all the others.
When the Devourer slaughtered us, I prayed that I might have another chance to help someone put a stop to her evil plans. Perhaps blessed Elidinis answered that prayer, and that’s why I have been allowed to linger on, when so many others have been lost?
There is another saying among us scholars: don’t look a gift camel in the mouth!
Your humble friend,
Akila
P.S. I’m glad you like the Ambrosia! Unfortunately, the recipe is stored somewhere in the Grand Library of Menaphos, and I’m not in any state to retrieve it.
To Steve
I know we all loved Nieve, but how do you feel about following in her footsteps and becoming a Slayer Master?
Sincerely, ImOneEyed‘Ello ImOneEyed!
It was tough, at first. Our Nieve certainly had big tassets to fill, and I’d only ever stood around supervising the wyverns before. Everyone has been really supportive, though, and I do feel like I’ve settled in nicely.
I do wish she’d left me that shield, though… I could do with one of those.
Hope to see you soon,
Steve
To the Pet Kraken (Steve)
A few years ago during one of our adventures I unfortunately lost you. I thought my heart would never heal until one day when Probita let me know that despite not being insured she had somehow found you.
I wanted to ask you what did you get up to during our separation? Did you miss me as much as I missed you? Did you go on your own grand adventures, or simply wander aimlessly until we were reunited?
From Lorb163Hello Lorb163!
Oh, those were frightening times. I was really worried about you facing all those scary monsters without me there to look after you. I was so happy when I heard Probita had tracked you down at last!
I did get up to plenty of adventures on my own, though! I thought I’d better start at Tutorial Island, but one of the Tutors there tried to serve me up with the Shrimp! She ought to get her eyes checked. After that, I swam all the way over to the Wizards’ Tower and learned all sorts of cool spells. Those monsters will think twice before they mess with us again, that’s for sure!
After that, though, I started to get awfully lonely. Adventuring alone isn’t nearly as fun. So, I swam all the way to Ardougne to see if I could find you. The sea slugs gave me a bit of trouble, but overall, it was smooth sailing! Maybe if I get a bit bigger, I can carry YOU around for once!
For now, though, I’m just happy we’re together again.
Yours,
Steve (Pet Kraken)
To Maisa
Hey, how's things?
I was rummaging around your camp near the Ruins of Ullek and I found a bottle of 'tonic', I'm curious, what type of tonic is it? What does it do?
Sincerely,
TheWiseLonerHey! Don’t you know not to go rummaging in other people’s things? You’re lucky that bottle is only tonic, and not some sort of deadly poison!
As to how I got it – that’s a real story. I was just minding my own business, when a genie showed up and dumped it on the table. He said it was a ‘hilarious visual pun’.
I don’t trust it. I don’t think I’ll be drinking genie tonic anytime soon, but you’re welcome to take the risk on my behalf.
Maisa
To Doris
Do you know there's a giant hole in the rock wall around your house? Kinda weird to bother with a gate in the front, but then have a hole in the back anyone can just walk through. There's some unsavory folk in Edgeville... you should probably get that fixed.
Yours,
JuniorRaccoon2818Hello dearie!
Oh, that’s not a wall! That’s part of Dave’s Forcefield of Chaos. He says the gap helps confuse his enemies, but I think he just hasn’t got around to fixing it up yet.
That’s ever so kind of you to think of us, though! If it’s Construction work you’re after, you should take a look at that Mahogany Homes place. They’re always hiring adventurers like you. Go on, drop your C.V. in. It’s like I always tell Dave, the worst they can say is ‘please stop cursing all our customers.’
Are you eating enough? I’ve sent some of that spicy stew you like with your skeleton friend. You ought to share some with him!
Look after yourself,
Doris
Oh no! Now I’ve got redberry pie and spicy stew all over the inside of my bag. Why didn’t I just put it in a jar instead of carrying the open bowl around?
It’ll take me a whole month to clean this out – just in time for me to deliver more letters, I suppose! See you next time, everyone!